Despondent

2 Months before i`m out of a job, company closing down. haha Well so much for having high hopes. Got to look for another Job i suppose. But i guess i don`t feel like i wasted my time, it was good while it lasted. Like almost anything or any situation it Could have been much better, ya i have been overworked, looked down on and even laughed at. But who has`nt been hur? Time for me to move on and hopefully, really i hope something better comes my way. Listening to Taking Back Sunday`s Divine intervention prolly the only song they have written that i really like.

This year has`nt been so bad, despite financially being super broke. I guess its been ok, there are times i feel like its really too hard to go on. No shit Life is a bitch, friendships are never timeless. Much less one`s moment of happiness, gotta take in the good with the bad.

Last whole week i was working on a magazine layout almost every night i was up till 7 am. And in the end i failed everyone the designs were wrongly layout the bleeds were off. Quite sick of screwing up, its ok i guess its one of those things. I`m gonna go watch Iron Man this wednesday alone, i really don`t know who to ask out with me. One day i`ll have a group of friends to hang out with i don`t know when. haha...

DIVINE INTERVENTION - Taking Back Sunday

Despondent, distracted,You're vicious and romantic;These are a few of my

favorite things.All of those flavors andThis is what you choose:Past the blues,

past the blues,And on to something new,Something real, make it timeless,

An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.So if you're calling me out,

Then count me out.Yeah, we're stubborn and melodramatic,A real class act.

You see, I know a few of your favorite things.Five in the morning

and all comes out pouring,Love, out the same way in.Something real, make it

timeless,An act of God and nothing less will be accepted.Now if you're calling me

out,Then count me out.Something real, make it timeless,An act of God and

nothing less will be accepted.I said real, make it timeless,An act of God and

nothing less will be accepted.Now if you're calling me out,Then count me out.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.Mm, mm, mmmm.

Iron Man

Anyone wanna go watch Iron Man?

Paint draw smoke and die

New work

Sculptures???

Some Sketches for a sculpture installation i`m doing. tommorrow is my proposal... sigh hop eit works out havent slept. been drawing my ass off.

Silent Night

Tonight i am painting, it eems i am at ease after the longest of times.
Smoking like there is no tommorrow at the same time, while listening to silent night hahaha
Yesterday Sky in euphoria prolly had one of the BEST jam sessions ever! finally we are moving forward musically, i feel honuored jamming with you boys. You guys rock.

Have so much to do man, damn. But i guess it beats thinking too much about useless people and useless shit. After i paint i`m gonan walk home from teh gallery its about 1hr 30mins walk, i enjoy long walks like these.

Maybe one day my life will turn around for the better. Despite the pile of shit i gotten myself into. btw the movie American Gangster is good! of course fails in comparison to the classic scar face.

And to the dear one waiting 8 days now, i hope you get what you want in this life. I guess i was`nt what you were looking for. Ok i better stop here before i get negative AGAIN!

Trying to cheer up, life is tough for us all. I`m just one of those people who are never quite strong and smart enough to move on, how does one forget? how does one just let go?
I realise thise morning and i look at the glorious mess of a room i have. I Keep many many things that i dun need. I guess its like me deep inside, i keep all these things and i cannot reconcile the reasons why i never get rid of them, sentimental? i doubt it.. mental more like it. HA!

Weekend is coming in a way i don`t look forward to it. Spend most of my weekends alone anyways. i`ll prolly come back to teh gallery to work. Life haaaii........ for what are?
I said a prayer today YES! SURPRISE! i asked God if his love is truely unconditional that he can help a scumbag like me out, because i really need a miracle. Never thought i woul dbe saying a prayer while smoking away, gone are the days when i would be studying the bible, praying hard for the people i cared for. I once believed i had a calling to preach Gods word, to defend the sheep and to love those whom have strayed. in the words of Nirvana " Jesus don`t want me for a sunbeam."
So i tonight i`ll rest on my bed, just trying to be happy that the few that are in my oikos are doing ok. No doing alright or ok is really more than specifics, its a wholistic perspective. Balance.

Who will stand on the other end of the scale to bring about balance in my life, the cross is heavy. maybe it might just be the right weight for my sins, am i thinking of atonement? forgiveness? love? i don`t know all i know and all i am really praying for beyond what i feel now, is to die.

" YA RIGHT! GOD DOES`NT PLAY FAVOURITE?! HA!

Clare! i know you read this..:) i really really appreciate you... your sweet and really patient with me... your a beautiful soul... :) would you kill me? if i told you i feel like i want to drop that $ 20 000 project? i`ll explain in person....But really you are cool... thank you for always being interested in what i do and who i am.... Hard these days to have people who actually not just talk about how they feel about you but people who actually know how to actually to just do a simple "how r u?" ...... since your prolly the only one thats continuing reading my blogspot.. haha
its like i`ll talk to uindirectly here ok? hahaha i really do think your really talented... and in a way i wish i could be as good as you at what you do....... yea thats some honesty for you... i`ll read the book... i promise....k...

Yea tough week, i`m tired, fustrated, hungry most of the time, restless, lonely.. damn fucking lonely man... shit man i really give up.. no one ever calls... sometimes i wanna throw my phone away. Other than for work purposes... hahah wow like bloody robot i am..... Anyways i gotta get up early for work on a sunday! ya thats my life... so ya i dun go to church so burn me at a stick will ya? fucking self righteous bastards.. ok i get it. i`m going to hell! wow u can celebrate now.. hooray! Apart from this rant, next time someone makes an appointment with me, if i call you and don`t fucking pick up 30 mins before i meet u i`m going home. don`t waste my time...SICK OF BE TAKEN FOR A RIDE.. Anyways i best get to bed....
looking forward to 5pm tommorrow when i can finally come home and sleep.... fucking hell...